Proactive Management

After 25 years of working in education, as a secondary teacher for 15 years and a university lecturer for 10 years, I have learned that most disputes evolve from people being too reactive. What does it mean to be reactive?

Being reactive means blaming others for choices. It means that you react to situations through your emotions. This approach can often come across as shaming, resentful, insecure, or angry.

We often assume that other people are on the same page that we are, when in reality they are not. The conflict that subsequently arises is a derivative of our differences. When these differences continue to be unknown, any relationship can gradually deteriorate.

Reactive individuals who repeatedly respond to others emotionally, due to their differences, may damage their relationship to the breaking point. What approach might assist individuals to understand their differences and procure better control of their emotions?

The Proactive Approach
“The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it.”- Stephen Covey

When we are proactive, we are responding in anticipation of future problems, needs, or changes. Instead of waiting for things to happen, we are making things happen. Being proactive is an aptitude and an attitude. It is a way of doing and a way of thinking, which, when combined, become a way of being.

Individuals that move from being reactive to being proactive have several advantages. Their proactive attitude allows them to communicate in a more positive way.

Proactive people know themselves better, think beyond the short term, have more self-control, look for creative solutions, and have more self-confidence. They have traded their emotional reactivity for an upgraded level of communication.

Emotional Intelligence
“Emotional intelligence emerges as a much stronger predictor of who will be most successful, because it is how we handle ourselves in our relationships that determines how well we do...” - Daniel Goleman

Emotional intelligence or EI is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of emotional intelligence know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect other people. Individuals seeking higher levels of emotional intelligence will need to observe how they feel. They will also need to pay attention to how they behave as a result of these feelings.

Healthy individuals will need to question their own opinions. They will need to take responsibility for their feelings and how they affect the feelings of others. Healthy individuals will need to celebrate the positive but not ignore the negative. They will need to combine their self-awareness with their social awareness and be empathic about both. How could psychologists help people to elevate and enhance their emotional intelligence through being more proactive?

“If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” - Daniel Goleman

Being Proactive
The purpose of being more proactive in our interaction is to increase both self-awareness and social-awareness. A superordinate goal would be is to increase our emotional intelligence. Through utilising EI, along with our increased awareness, we can enhance our ability to relate and not berate.      

Dr Bruce Wilson is a psychologist with 25 years of experience. He enjoys sharing his ramblings with friends and colleagues. He is currently in private practice at Mind Health Care in Geelong, Australia. This article is solely his work.

Image by Polina Zimmerman