Domestic Violence Increasing in Young People

Domestic violence isn’t going away, and a good number of young people will have had either direct or indirect experience of it.

DV can be defined as pattern of behaviour in a relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner. It includes behaviour that is used to intimidate, threaten, molest, harass or intimidate another person. It can extend to financial matters, emotional behaviour, sexual behaviour and stalking and tracking another person.

And DV in teen relationships is becoming far more frequent with the rise of insta/ tiktok celebrities and their outspoken views on what masculinity should be.

DV in teens generally looks different to what happens in adult relationships, commonly there isn’t as much responsibility going on with the control. It often involves controlling who a partner can speak to, controlling when and where they can go out, what they should be wearing or what they can and can’t disclose to their partners.

Teenage DV might also include pressures to have sex, financial abuse and deterrence from schoolwork and studies.

Family Lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis says the first step away from abuse is identifying whether the situation is definable as DV and there are a few warning signs that indicate DV in a relationship.

“Do you have freedom of movement, i.e., can you come and go as you please? Can you speak to and socialise with anyone that you want to, do you make decisions without your partner making you feel guilty, pressured, intimidated or scared?

“Does your partner threaten you if you don’t do something they say? Threatening does not just need to include physical harm and can include harm to themselves or imposing a consequence. Do you have free access to your money? Does your partner get angry and abuse you verbally or physically, do you feel that you need to hide things from your partner, do you need to share passwords, locations, bank accounts with your partner?” says Kalpaxis.

Strategies for safely talking about DV are essential and conversations need to be honest and open when seeking help from professionals.

“Stand up for yourself and know when you are not being loved and respected, know that you are safe when speaking about your relationship with other professionals and know that no one will judge you and will support you in your decision making.”

Leaving a DV relationship is often the only real remedy, but it has to be done safely.

Kalpaxis advises young people facing DV to, “Please speak to a trusted adult. A teacher, a principal, a social worker, your doctor, school counsellor. It is really important that you talk about what is going on at home in order to get you the support that you need. Please don’t be afraid to make the disclosure and know that safety measures can be put in place to protect you.

“It is about taking the shame and the stigma of speaking up about these things for the girls who are being exposed to it. Knowing that its ok to talk about it and also to know they haven’t done anything wrong.”

For those seeing DV in the relationships of friends and family Kalpaxis says, “The decision to leave a DV relationship has to be taken by the person who is in it. You cannot force them to leave until they are ready. Be supportive and explain that if they need something you are around. Be Kind, empathic and provide support strategies. Please continue to keep lines of communication open. Put them in touch with people who can support them.”

Kalpaxis runs DV workshops at schools, they run for two days and are interactive.

“We break down all the different types of DV and tackle real life scenarios and identify who to get support from and strategies they can put in place to support a friend or loved one who is going through DV. We also cover the topic of coercive control which became a criminal offence in NSW from 1 July 2024 and what that looks like,” she says.