How to Take Control of What Cannot be Controlled

There was a student (I’ll call her Girly), who came to see me. She was crying. I asked her what this was all about. It was all about social media, she said. Girly then told me there were many “mean girls,” who were writing many “mean things” on social media. I asked her what she was doing in trying to stop this. Girly told me that she was connecting with them on social media and telling them to stop. I asked her if this made any difference. She said that it not only did not stop, it only made it worse. “It’s so unfair,” she said. I asked her if anyone of these students were from the school. She said they weren’t. I then asked if she had tried anything else. She said that she had told her mum and dad. I asked what was their advice. She said they have been constantly telling her to get off social media. She said that they have even banned her at times. I asked if this “telling off” or if the banning had worked. She said it didn’t. I asked her why? Girly said that she liked social media, “but the girls are still being mean to her.”

Because Girly was a Responsibility Theory (RT) educated student, backed by associated empirical evidence, I was confident that there was an active self-directing and self-empowering process she could use; where she had the personal potential to take immediate control of what was clearly an uncontrollable situation.

Responsibility Theory® is one of the classroom behaviour management books and strategies that is used at CQUniversity, in the Department of Education and the Arts, for preservice graduate leaders. The book was published in 2014.

Responsibilities and Power
In terms of social and education-based context, the important point to note here is that RT is an education and evidence-based self-directing program. The purpose of the program is to become self-aware and self-managing critical thinkers, with the accompanying self-empowering knowledge and understanding that they are responsible for and that they’ve got power over what they think, do, say, choose and learn. With this established sequence learning knowledge and insight (as the empirical evidence informs), the student will now have the cognitive and behavioural capacity to become a self-directing and self-managing student, who will have the reflective intellectual insight to constructively and positively control their thoughts and actions, and to make ongoing positive decisions.

Self-management
In terms of self-management research Anita Woolfolk points out that self-managing students tend to demonstrate the following competencies: 1) they have a greater sense of personal interest and positive engagement in their personal, social, academic and overall educational environment; 2) they present positive behaviours that indicate they have a strong belief in their personal, social, academic and educational capabilities; 3) they present high levels of self-belief, self-efficacy, self-esteem and associated high levels of problem-solving skills and creativity; 4) through their actions they show that they continually support and value their school environment; 5) self-managing students tend to present behaviours that suggest that they not only enjoy all of their daily social and educational challenges, they are also willing to engage in what is required of them at school; 6) they are willing to help others. This relationship between student autonomy, self-management and their successful academic engagement tends “to hold through from first grade through to graduate school.”

Promoting Self-managing Students Needs to be a Goal in Education
Further to this Woolfolk notes that psychologists became interested in self-management behaviours because studies in education found that students who were educated through externally imposed behavioural regimes who were required to conform to a set of behavioural norms, far too often refused to engage appropriately. When these externally imposed directives were removed, the students did not transfer these externally imposed behavioural conditions to new situations where self-management was an expectation.

Citing F.H. Kanfer and Lisa Gaelick, Anita Woolfolk inform us that “if one goal of education is to produce people who are capable of educating themselves, then students must learn to manage their own lives, set their own goals, and provide their own reinforcement…Life is filled with tasks that call for…self-management.”

Ownership
As such, from an RT perspective, when all of this takes place, the ownership of issues, concerns and problems leads to self-directed thoughts, behaviours and constructive answers and results. From a neuroscience and brain plasticity perspective, this type of constructive thinking and behaviour also leads to changes taking place in the brain. As Norman Doidge points out: “Everyday thought, especially when used systematically, is a potent way to stimulate neurons,” which rewires the brain, changes thinking and changes behaviours. The key application for this rewiring is that this thinking and action need to be self-employed and activated regularly and systematically.

Sequence Learning
Added to this is the research of Janusz Starzyk and Haibo He who declare: “Temporal sequence learning is one of the most critical components for human intelligence.” Added to this, Haibo He writes that “[s]equence learning is widely considered among one of the most important components of human intelligence, as most human behaviors are in the sequential format.” This includes but is not limited to speech recognition, natural language processing, reasoning, planning, skill and knowledge development along with its application. Responsibility Theory is a sequence learning program. With all of this in mind, I was able to communicate with Girly in the following manner:

“Girly I can see you’re upset, tell me why you are crying and what’s going on.”

“There are girls who are being mean to me on social media, and it’s not far.”

“I agree, if they are being mean, it certainly is not fair. However, let’s look at what YOU can do about this right now.”

Girly’s response was positive because she immediately and confidently said: “okay.” Another positive was that she was no longer crying. She had an attitude of self-assurance and assertiveness.

Self-belief, Self-efficacy, Self-esteem, Confidence, and Self-empowerment
It is important to reiterate that Girly is an RT student, she knows and understands the leading RT question and the 10 precepts; all of which, once established, become part of the natural classroom language and communication process. With this being the case, I was able to talk with Girly directly and get straight to the point of what needed to be achieved. What needed to be achieved was for Girly to take instant control of this social media issue, and, at the same to continue to reinforce her self-belief, self-efficacy, self-esteem, confidence, and self-empowerment; plus, to remain in control of her own thinking, behaviour and self-management capacities. With that now taking place, I was able to advance Girly’s control, and power, with the following RT-directed questions:

“Okay Girly, we need to get to YOUR immediate source of control and power. Tell me who is responsible for you turning on your computer and looking at social media?”

Girly answered knowingly and confidently: “I am.”

“That’s true. Tell, me who’s responsible for you reading what is on social media?”

“I am,” said Girly again assertively.

“That’s also true. Now tell me, how much control and power do you have over how others are using their computer and writing on social media?”

Girly’s response was again instant, confident, alert and self-assured. “I’ve got no control and I’ve got no power over what they are writing,” she said defiantly.

“Exactly, you are one hundred percent correct. You have no control and you’ve got no power over what those students, or anyone else for that matter, are writing on social media. So, tell me, what are you going to do?” (This question is about allowing Girly to achieve, by and through her own thinking and self-assessment, that she can take immediate control of this situation).

“Well Sir, I don’t have to read anything they write, and, I don’t even have to turn on my computer if I don’t want to.”

“That’s it, Girly; so, tell me, who’s got the power?”

Girly responded right away with a broad smile and an elevated defiant assertive voice: “I’ve got the power!”

“That’s it, now go and use this power in a good way.”

Girly was smiling and nodding: “And before you go, remember let your mum and dad know about what’s been taking place.

“Thanks Sir, I will.” With that, Girly left smiling, walking away with an air of confidence.

A few days later Girly came to see me smiling and laughing. She then said: “Sir, Sir, guess what? I’m no longer on social media!”

“And why not?”

Loudly and gleefully Girly announced, almost shouting: “Because I’ve got the power!” And with that, Girly turned, and ran away, laughing and shouting: “I’ve got the power, I’ve got the power!”

Dr Ragnar Purje is an Adjunct Senior Lecturer at CQUniversity in the School of Education and the Arts, where he works with Professor Ken Purnell specialising in classroom behaviour management strategies. Dr Purje is the author of Responsibility Theory®; for presentations, Dr Purje is represented by Saxton Speakers Bureau.