The Hidden Impact of Parental Anxiety on Exam Performance

Schools and educators often reassure students that the tests are "not a big deal." Yet, many children will still feel the weight of expectation. And despite the efforts to downplay the significance, parents too will often struggle with their own anxieties about their child's performance.

The reality is, anxiety can be like a "hot potato", passed from one person to another, often without us even realising it. And when parents are stressed about tests, that stress can be absorbed by their kids, impacting not just their emotional state but also their ability to engage in testing on the day.

The Hidden Impact of Parental Stress
Parental anxiety has real and lasting effects on children’s well-being. Research has shown that stress in parents can shape a child's stress response even before they are born, influencing their ability to manage anxiety and pressure throughout life.

A 2024 statement from the U.S. Surgeon General identified parental stress as a public health concern, emphasising that "the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children." Parents experiencing chronic stress can become less responsive and affectionate, leading to feelings of rejection, lower self-esteem, increased anxiety, and even behavioural issues in their children.

Like a yawn, anxiety is contagious - it can spread from a parent to a child. Even the subtle signs like a sigh, change in tone, or frequent conversations about testing - can send signals to children that the test is something to worry about.

And while stress can be useful for motivation, too much is counterproductive, and can lead to a stress response that disrupts a child’s ability to think clearly or focus, and may have an impact on the day. 

How to Avoid Passing Anxiety to a Child
Instead of inadvertently transferring stress, parents can take active steps to create a low-key, supportive environment before, during, and after exams.

Acknowledge Both of Your Emotions
Over preparation and excessive reassurance can often manifest into anxiety. Be honest and acknowledge your feelings first; self-validation - telling yourself it’s okay to be a little stressed, can help you manage your own response before it affects your child.

Dr Daniel Siegel’s “name it to tame it” approach can be useful for your child. If they express worry, help them identify their feelings: "It sounds like you’re feeling nervous about the test. That makes sense, lots of kids feel the same way." Naming feelings and emotions often reduces the intensity and can provide relief and comfort.

Express and Release the Stress
Holding onto anxiety and bottling it up, makes it worse; it’s better to work it out or shake it off in healthy, or even playful ways.

Sing it out, dance it out, run it out or breathe it out. Music and movement can reset your mood and help clear mental clutter, and deep breathing can ground you.
Play is a natural stress reliever and can act as an emotional "reset button”, so getting children doing the same will relieve their stress too.

Set Realistic Expectations.
As children can mirror their parents' attitudes, rather than parents making it feel like a big moment, treating it like a normal school activity has its benefits.  If testing is framed as an opportunity to "show what you know," kids will be more likely to adopt a positive perspective. It’s just a moment in time.

Encourage small joys during the testing period. Whether it’s a fun breakfast, extra playtime, or a favourite after-school activity, these small moments keep the week feeling balanced, and help children refuel mentally and emotionally.

Plan Ahead to Minimise Stress
A little preparation goes a long way. Knowing the test dates, making sure mornings run smoothly, and avoiding extra stress in the week leading up to an exam can help keep things moving smoothly.

Parents also need to take care of themselves. Even small self-care moments, like a cup of tea somewhere quiet or a short walk, can help parents stay grounded and present.

The Bigger Picture: Creating a Culture of Co-regulation
Children learn how to handle stress by watching the adults around them. If parents meet challenges with authentic emotional expression and regulation, kids are more likely to do the same. 

Exams aren’t something that needs to be feared, hyped up, or over-analysed. It’s one part of school life. The goal isn’t to eliminate all nerves but to keep them at a manageable level - so everyone can approach testing with confidence, knowing that their co-regulators (like parents and teachers) are available. 

With a little emotional preparation, parents can make sure they’re supporting their kids in a way that keeps things in perspective, and creates a supportive emotional environment where children feel empowered to do their best - not just in testing, but in all aspects of learning and growth.

Image by Pedro Figueras